WARNING!  This is the most personal post I've ever made on a business website/blog.  I'm about to shed all sorts of layers of insecurity, doubt, second-guessing, body images, fear of letting people in....the whole works.  So if you're not ready for that, no worries! I'll have another post with pictures of an amazingly gorgeous lady very soon.  Come back then. . . . . . . . . . .

Still here?  Okay.  Here goes:

Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I can't believe that I made this video.  Or that I put it on YouTube.  Or that I posted it on Twitter.  Or that it's linked from the CreativeLive website.  I must have lost my everlovin' mind.

Oh wait, you have no clue what I'm talking about, do you?  Okay, so there's this photographer in Australia who I just happen to think is probably the best and my most favoritest photographer in the entire world.  Her name is Sue Bryce and she's a glamour and beauty photographer.  Then there's this really awesome company in Seattle that puts on these AMAZING photography (and other stuff) workshops online so that anyone in the WORLD can watch them and learn from some of the very best in the industry.  They're called CreativeLive.

You can imagine the shrieks and dances of joy that I did when I found out that Sue Bryce is doing a workshop at/on CreativeLive in March.  I'M SO EXCITED!!!!  I've told everyone that will listen that my biggest business goal for 2012 (other than continuing to be able to feed my children, of course) is to be able to go to one of Sue Bryce's US workshops.  And now I was going to be able to take one for FREE in my own home!  (oh wait, there are downsides to the "in my own home" bit....they are ages 5, 7 and 32...though I love them dearly!)

But it gets even more exciting.  Well, not exciting at first.  See, Sue Bryce is looking for 6 photographers (4 women, 2 men) to be her studio audience.  In Seattle.  In March.  At first, this is academically interesting.  How neat for those people!  They'll have such a great time and learn so much!  Then I start thinking.  What if *I* could go?  No, I tell myself.  I don't even like having my picture taken, must less being taped LIVE for days on end.  Oh and did I mention she's doing a photo shoot for the female participants...for the WORLD TO SEE?  That's enough right there to make me want to go hide under my bed.  Because taking your own advice is bitter medicine and I am not currently 100% comfortable in my own body.  "If I lost 20 pounds, if I didn't have these stretch marks, if I just had a little (okay, LOT) more butt, if I didn't have all this adoption weight (don't ask), if I'd had these taken 5, 10, 15 years ago..."  These are all conversations I have with myself when thinking about having my own pictures taken.  (See, when I say that I understand where you're coming from, my ladies, I REALLY DO!!)  Plus, if I ever even MET Sue Bryce, I'd probably just turn red, get breathless and be lucky to eek out a "hi, I love your work!"

But that's when I start getting in trouble.  See, I can justify ANYTHING.  Including putting my incredibly awkward and semi-terrified self out there for the world to see.  Because when it comes down to it, the level of Sue Bryce's work and the beauty of her art is, in my heart of hearts, where I want my work, my photography, my brand, to go.  That's my BIG DREAM.  So I have to ask myself....is my fear, this fear of putting myself out there, of making myself vulnerable, of people laughing at my terrible video editing skills, of people knowing what I want most in the world (in case I fail)...is my fear BIGGER than my dream?

I. Don't. Think. So.  One of my upcoming clients is one of the most amazing people in the world, I think.  She said something that truly made a huge impact on me, almost before I even knew who she was.  She said, "Trashing my comfort zone last year was the best thing that happened to me. This year's motto: do epic things...they all start by being fully present and, in my case, being fully present wasn't happening in my comfort zone."

So here it is!  I sat on this video for eight days, but here is my heart on my sleeve.  My BIG DREAM laid out for everyone to see, judge, laugh at, admire, support, whatever.  Not only that, but I'm committing to doing whatever it takes to see it through. Putting my brave face on and pushing through the fear to achieve my dreams. I've been thinking that my motto for 2012 would be "feel the fear and do it anyway," but now I want to have two.

So here's to "trashing comfort zones and doing epic things"!  Take THAT 2012!!